The Greatest Regret
by Heraclene-chan
Summary: I slowly looked at him. And then again I saw black. His eyes, even though they're dark and murky, they don't seem treacherous. Deep inside those eyes were concern, true and sincere. A gush of wind passed by and it made his golden yellow hair sway with it. He really resembles him...even though I deny it, Ryou Kazenagi reminds of me of my greatest heartache, Natsume Hyuuga.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Important Note:**

Hiya, guise. You see, I revised the whole story and now I won't make it a three-shot anymore. I've decided to remake, as in completely reconstruct this embarrassing plot. The idea might not be so embarrassing, it was me actually. (Rubs cheek…) I made that story because I felt very **emo** that day but the succeeding days were pretty not, that I don't know what to put anymore. Oh please please don't hate me. I know it's my fault, but I'll try to make up.

So here it is…

**The Greatest Regret**

**(Prologue)**

"_Mikan! Koko just told me that Natsume and you have broken up! I wanted to strangle him for joking around but he insists it's true. Is he saying anything that makes sense?"_

"_Mikan, what happened between you and Natsume? I just heard from Umenomiya. Did my best friend really do that? I tried contacting him but his phone was shut."_

"_Mikan, let's talk about this tomorrow. I know what you're thinking and don't think about going absent tomorrow. We are your friends, we can help both of you."_

"_Dummy, where are you?"_

I really cannot process their messages because all I tried to do is to flood my boyfriend's, I mean, my ex-boyfriend's inbox hoping he would respond to any of it. But just what Ruka texted me, his phone was shut. I also knew it but I still keep on sending him messages. I'm so hopeless. He probably doesn't want to get annoyed by our questions. For sure, he predicted that everyone would be concerned and try to fix whatever the problem he initiated just an hour ago.

I completely don't get him.

My knees were weak and trembling even before I got to my dorm, that I fell an inch before grabbing the knob and foolishly I knelt on my welcome carpet. Tears began streaming endlessly through my cheeks and my chest was like banging and my heart wanted to cry it all out. It was hurtful there, and I clenched it hard to control the unbearable ache.

So this is the feeling when someone broke your heart. Now I understand how Nonoko felt when Kitsuneme fall out of love for her and ended their five year relationship. _**I want to die. I can't live without him. **_Those were Nonoko's words when she suddenly barged into my room and Hotaru was coincidentally with me that time and we both saw how broken she looked. I pitied her for that.

Hotaru told her she was overreacting, and I might agree to that too. But now I understand why Nonoko felt that her world has fallen and her heart was torn apart. It's too painful that you can't control that emotion. She underwent depression, and I might too. Now, I feel so lost. I don't know what to do. Everything that I tried to hold is slipping from my grasp. I wanted to go to my bed, but I can't seem to find my bedroom. It was like it's my first time here.

I know we had a little fight yesterday but I also know we could easily overcome that. After all, we've been almost two years together and we have conquered a thousand arguments bigger than that. That's why I initiated a dinner date for us to fix everything so that come next week, we could celebrate our second anniversary without any grudges. Besides, I know it was my fault that he got mad at me just because I pushed him to buy that couple shirt that I wanted us to wear on our field trip.

But I never thought that the day we are supposed to be okay was the end of it. I was extra cheerful this afternoon that I wore the dress he picked out for me for my previous birthday, which I told him I'm not going to wear. So to make it out for him I decided to wear that jet black miniskirt and that bloody red blouse just for him.

But the way he ended it was unforgettable. I could not remove from my mind how I dropped that particular fork and it clattered and I picked it up again after he muttered those three words. Three words that said, "Let's end this."

My ear seemed to be in disarray that the surroundings became so noisy. So, I thought I heard wrong. But I did not ask him to repeat it again because a few moments, it echoed to my ear very clearly. I thought he was just joking, but he coldly said he was not. I started to beg like a kid, holding his hand tightly that seemed doesn't want to be touched, I began to attract some attention from the little crowd of the café we were in. But he was rude enough to let me kneel in front of him just to plead him not to leave and fix things up. He didn't listen. He walked away and left me crying there, on that cold ground. It was like I created a scene and people were much entertained to watch such a drama inside a coffee shop.

I never thought how childish and immature I am to act like that. I let people saw my weakest point. I let them gaze upon my ugliest face…the face of a complete loser who got left by her handsome boyfriend or more like dumped with an unclear reason. But what can I do? All that was in my mind is for him to take back his words.

On my way home, questions flooded my little brain. Did I not give him enough? Is he looking for more? Did I do wrong? Am I not worthy of his love? Of his looks? Did that couple shirt really agitated him that much? If so, then I regretted pushing him to that. I really do. Because right now, I just wanted him back. I wanted him to be at my side again.

Right. I have to try. Maybe I could still set things right. I have to go to him and try to clear his mind. Maybe he had some problems that he couldn't share. Maybe he's just in a whirl. Maybe Aoi tried to run away again and his Mom is blaming him for it. Maybe he was just pressured on problems he had at home.

Hopeful, I got up to my feet and quickly but weakly changed clothes. I wore anything that I pulled from the drawer and slipped up my feet into shoes. Not minding to comb my messed up hair and my wet face, I opened my door to go to Natsume's dorm but I was surprised that Hotaru was standing right there.

She had those furious but at the same time worried eyes.

"Hotaru…" I softly muttered, tears welling up again.

She took a step forward, eyes softening as her hand went to my cheek and wiped my tears with her thumb. "Looked at you, dummy." She then pulled me into a hug. And then for the first time since Natsume tore me apart, I felt secured and loved again. I felt safe from my best friend's arms. But because I feel so weak that I cannot return a hug to her.

"Oh, Hotaru." I sobbed.

"It's okay, Mikan. I'm here." Her words caressed my warring heart. But none of it actually healed me. Still, I feel so broken.

"I wanted to go to him, please. Can you come with me?" I asked while crying. But Hotaru's facial expression became tensed and it was like her blood suddenly boiled. I can see her trying to control her anger that I can't seem to comprehend was coming from.

"Let him go, Mikan. Let him do whatever he wants."

Shocked, I broke her embrace from me. Can she hear what she is saying? I cannot do that. I still love Natsume. I love him so much. What does that love means if I won't do anything for us to be together again? What Hotaru wants me to do is just too impossible for now. I can't let our relationship vanish just like that. If there isn't a valid reason, then we can still recover everything.

With pissed expression, I faced my best friend. "But, Hotaru! You don't understand. It's not his fault. I was the one who initiated the fight about that couple shirt so I consider it my fault. His mind might just be messed up from problems in his family."

Hotaru's hands clenched. Her teeth gritted and she hid her eyes from her bangs. But she showed them again and now it was like telling me to trust her. "His mind is really messed up from the start, Mikan. He's an idiot for…for breaking up just because of a stupid shirt."

"You just said it. It was just a shirt." I walked passed her while saying, "We can still fix this. If you don't want to come, then I won't force you." But even before I was to step out of my room, Hotaru grabbed my arm.

"Damn, Mikan. For once, listen to me."

A thunder struck my body. Why was I feeling suddenly guilty? Why were her last words made me stop for a moment? I know, because Hotaru does not trust Natsume from the very beginning. She warned me about him at first, and I have proved to her that Natsume is not like Kitsuneme, nor Hayate who hurt her and Nonoko. We made them see for almost two years that we could be for each other. But even without that pride, I wanted Natsume back in my life. He's basically my everything.

"I'm sorry, Hotaru." And so she let my arm go and then I walked my way towards Natsume Hyuuga's place. Just tonight, I chose my lover over my best friend. And I hope she could understand that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Important Note:**

Gee! Just recently I am having problems on how to make a prologue for my upcoming fic because I don't know how to construct one. But just today, my supposed to be chapter one for this story actually looked more of a prologue than a chapter!

Haha! I'm so silly.

Anyways, here's your first chapter that is supposed to be chapter two.

**The Greatest Regret**

**(CHAPTER ONE)**

_A year later…_

I hurriedly picked up ten big books from the former library to the new one just up the stairs. Alice Academy was about to renovate the whole ground floor and will be removing the Club offices and the library, transferring them to the second floor just upstairs. And because I am one of the officers of one of those clubs and am finished relocating papers to our new office, my whole club was tasked to help relocate books from the library.

"Mikan! Still many books in there?!" I heard Anna yelled from outside.

"Uhm…" I tried to rearrange the alignment of the books so it will not fall while I'm carrying it. "Just a couple more, Anna!" I replied to her. But there was this one book that is not in proportion and I'm also wrong for trying to carry this much that it blocked my view. So, after a few steps, the books from the top slipped. "No!"

The books were about to fall but they didn't thanks to someone who was fast enough to help me. The books were aligned back perfectly and I smiled at the sight of it.

"You should not carry more than you could." A husky voice was heard before me and I peeked to my side to make sure it was him. After all, he's the only one in this Academy who had that very low voice. That voice that made puny girls scream with admiration. That voice that was warm as the summer sea.

I saw black. And I was right. It was him.

"Hey, it's you!" I chuckled as he removed some of the books and carried them instead.

"Who else?" He said proudly like he's the only person who always rescues me when I am in distress. Wait a minute. He really is the only one. But don't get me wrong, my friends are always there for me too but it just happens he was always the first one to approach me. But still, he's so confident on himself not to mention very egoistic. Step on everything except his ego.

And so, I have given myself a privilege to step on his foot. "Ouch!" He whined but his hold was firm on the books. I really am amazed on the capabilities of this guy. His talents are near to perfect.

I had my chin up and walked ahead. "Serves you right!" I chirped.

I can sense daggers pierce my innocent back. "You mutt!" And then he started chasing me. I also began to run as we both chase each other. I was laughing so hard that I barely heard Anna call my name and besides I was too busy running so that the jerk chasing me won't catch up. I'm not a Sports Club officer for nothing.

"_That Mikan…But I'm happy to see her this happy again."_

We reached the new library on the second floor in no time but before I could get inside, the jerk caught my shirt. I was taken aback with the turn of events. "What the hell?" I was shocked to see that his hands are already empty and the books he are carrying were already inside. "How did you?"

He pulled me closer to him and upwardly grabbed the books that I'm carrying. "You've forgotten I'm the President of this Sports Club, haven't you?" He chuckled lowly. "Idiot." I scoffed. How's being President of a club meant to be the greatest among his members? He was just elected because he's too handsome that's what they say. Oh no. I should take that back. But to think of it, he really is the best in the club. Damn me.

My cheeks blushed because of the sudden contact. Even now, I'm not comfortable with men having close contact on me. It brings back tons of memories and even if it was the one who caused this uncomfortability, I'll still feel awkward. Funny how it will happen but I'm sure of it.

I shook my thoughts and pouted. "Curse you. Next year, I'll be President and then I'll shove to your face how weakling you are. I'll prove to you I'm greater than you, o Almighty one. I'll be smothered with praises, praises that's more good to the ears than yours **Oh you're so handsome! Oh you're so cute!**"

He also scoffed. "If I know, you are one of those who think I am handsome and the latter. Don't ever deny it coz I saw you drooling when I was elected President." He walked past me as I trail his path. My jaw dropped after that declaration of false accusation. I wasn't drooling because of him! I am not even drooling that time! "And as if you'll be President. We're on our last year, stupid. Have your mind gone wilt?"

I lifted my brow. The pissed feeling I felt because of his allegations vanished in thin air. Oh, damn right. It really was our last year. When did time fly so fast? Just as I was about to dig deep within my thoughts, Hotaru popped out of nowhere.

"Hey, dummy. There are still one hundred nineteen books down and yet you're flirting with that disgusting man over there." She said monotonously, holding her newly developed camera with her as it's lace was hooked on her neck.

I saw him look at Hotaru venomously and for that I scratched my cheek. It was fun watching them argue but I'm glad that finally Hotaru began to trust a guy again. Maybe because she saw that he's not like the other guys around. I don't know but my best friend seems to have eyes that can see one's personality. But my thoughts were snapped after I realized it wasn't, because if she really had eyes like that then she could see through Hayate's true intentions. I shook my head mentally and lectured myself not to bring back awful memories even though I am not verbalizing it.

"I'm not flirting, Hotaru. I just realized that we are on our last year."

"You realized that just now?" Hotaru rolled her eyes and walked away. Then she reached out for a remote out of her pocket and pushed some buttons in it. Not in a while an ostrich mechanical car came and she rode it. But before that she turned to me and said "Tell me, have your mind gone wilt?"

I was surprised. "Oh, I've been asked, actually."

"Whatever. Resume your jobs." The strict President of the Student Council ordered us. Then, the wings of her ostrich invention flipped and then she flew away. And just as Hotaru was out of sight, he went towards me and started mumbling words. "That freak kept ordering us around. Why won't she volunteer to carry heavy books and replace us so she could know how tiring this was."

I tapped his shoulder lightly. "Oh you know her. She's probably busy taking pictures of Ruka while he's having dry run for the prom next week. _Gotta make money._" She mimicked.

"Whatever." He monotonously said.

"Wait a sec. Does ostrich fly?" I dumbly asked.

He just shrugged but he still answered me."Technically, no. But knowing your freak best friend she likes to do the impossible, right?"

I looked at him with amazed expression. "Wow! If I don't know you I will think you have the guts for Hotaru!"

And he gave me a stare. No, let me correct that. He gave me a **glare. **

"Fine, fine. I was just joking." And then we walked downstairs to fetch books again. We got to hurry because the carpenters and the workers have to clean the area for our last prom, I mean for like me who had their last year.

I was saddened by that fact. High school was super fun but at the same time it is not. What I mean is, the climax of your life usually happens at high school. Is it not? Whatever, maybe because I'm still young that's why I came to say that. But don't you agree?

The prom.

Truthfully, I am looking forward for this prom. Not because I like social activities but because last time, I haven't really enjoyed the prom. My friends did not enjoy the last year's prom too due to the reason that I am dragging their energies down because of my gloominess.

So this time, I really wanted to make up for them. I could remember how emotionless Ruka looked when he was picked and crowned to be the year's prom prince and how his eyes pinned to me while he was being shaken by Sumire who was overjoyed being the prom princess. They are all worried for me but I did not give them the privilege to enjoy the occasion which was supposed to be fun.

I was so selfish and with that I cannot forgive myself for being such. I did not realize that at that time, even if it was me who was left, I am just not the one who is sad about it. I let Hotaru down by choosing Natsume. I chose to be a fool and blind from my love for him that I was also blinded for the love of my friends who wanted to help me and pull me out of my misery.

Even now, I feel so guilty taking away such a precious memory from my friends. I feel so shameful that they weren't happy at our second to the last promenade.

That's why now, I wanted to make up to them and as one of the bureaucrat of the event I'll do everything for this once a year event to be successful and I'll make sure we'll all enjoy this.

"Oi, Polka."

Dang!

My eyes widened as I heard that. My heart beat faster than before and I became tensed, suddenly I feel nervous. Its been a year since someone called me that. Flashbacks entered my mind. Those teases, those moments that I enjoyed and cherished. I was jolted. Even my sight revolved and I was dizzy for a moment. I almost lost my balance when I was caught by again, my rescuer when I'm distressed.

"Hey, what happened?" He worriedly asked as my hand is on my forehead.

"No…No-nothing." I tried to stand up straight and luckily I did.

"Seriously? Are you sure?"

I slowly looked at him. And then again I saw black. His eyes, even though they were dark and murky, it doesn't seem dangerous and treacherous. Deep inside those eyes was concern, true and sincere. A gush of wind passed by us and it made his golden yellow hair sway with it. He really resembles him…even if I try to deny it, Ryou Kazenagi reminds me of my greatest heartache, Natsume Hyuuga.

**How do you like it?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Important Note:**

Well for now, there isn't any important note. I want you to just enjoy the chapter and share me your thoughts. You know, so I could see if you like it or either way

**The Greatest Regret**

**(CHAPTER TWO)**

_Knock. Knock._

"_Natsume?" I placed my left ear near the wooden door to check if there's anyone home. I could hear a few thuds and footsteps so it was positive that the person I would like to talk to about something extremely important is here. I reached for the knob and turned it, surprised it wasn't locked. I then pushed it open and saw no one in the living room but bags and suitcases were placed on the carpet. "Natsume?" _

_Like always, I didn't mind if I enter his big room because he wasn't suppose to mind. I always feel welcome here and I can come inside whenever I want. I also have a key to his room that I picked before going out to see him here. So, I am already inside. I looked from left to right, and I heard another thud at his closet. I walked my way there, knowing where to go because I have memorized every inch of his dorm._

_The noise is getting louder because I'm getting near at the closet. I saw the door open and I didn't hesitate to go inside. Then I saw him digging clothes from his closet and packing them to another big suitcase. My heartbeat pounded faster as I realized what he is doing._

"_Natsume? Where are you going? Why are you putting all your things in there?" I worriedly asked, walking near him but he turned and looked surprised. I was stopped by my tracks to see his deathly glare, meaning he's not happy to see I was here. I was hurt._

"_Why are you here?" He angrily hissed, stating the upsetting truth, leaving what he is currently doing and went in front of me._

_My head automatically lowered as if I am afraid to meet his gaze. His aura is very scary and for that I don't really understand him. Why was he the angry one? Was it supposed to be me because he broke up with me with a very lame reason? And why does he seem not hurting while I felt like dying? _

"_You know I won't…give up." I finally looked up to him to stare at him eye to eye. I realized that I have a reason why I am here, and it was valid. My motive for coming here is eager. I want him to know that I'm not just joking around and I can't let him go. Because I love him and love doesn't give up that easily, especially if you feel that he still loves you too._

_He narrowed his eyes. "Go home." And then he turned back to his things. _

_Gasping for air and gathering strength, I stopped him. Tears began to well up as his emotionless face met me. "Why are you doing this?" I am crying now, I can't control my feelings. I badly wanted to fix this up. "Is this just because of the shirt? Because if that's the reason why you're dumping me then I promise you I won't force you to that ever again."_

"_I am not dumping you. I just broke up with you." He said but I don't get it._

_I took his hand…so cold. "What's the difference?! Natsume, I can't understand a thing. Why did you break up with me?"_

"_Why are you so annoying? Can't you accept it?" He took his hand away. "Mikan, why do you think people break up?" He asked me and I don't want to answer. What would I say? Because they fall out of love? Because they've had enough? If I'll tell him that, then I already answered my own question. And I don't like to hear it, more speak it. I don't wanna believe._

_I bit my lip._

_I heard him sigh. "We're just sixteen, Mikan. There are a lot of possibilities that everything can change. My feelings for you, yours for me. We cannot stop change because it is the only permanent thing in this world. You have to accept whatever those changes lead us too."_

"_But my feelings for you stayed the same and I know, Natsume…I am sure it will never change!" I wanted to shove to his face that I am serious. That I am already sure that he was the one for me and that he is the only person that I want to be with forever. Why does it have to be opposite with him? I wanted to slap him._

"_That does not apply to me, Mikan." He let me face his back. "Please respect my decision. Put your feet in my shoe. What if you are in my place and the only right thing to do is to let go? Will you still stay with me even if you know to yourself that you'll just hurt me more because it was like lying to me already?" He picked up his bag and zipped it. "Just go home."_

_I clenched my fists. My mind isn't still clear yet. He still hasn't told me his reason._

"_Natsume, I love you."_

"_Just give it to somebody else."_

"_But what about the two years of us being together? Our memories?"_

"_You can create even happier memories with somebody else."_

"_You promised me!"_

"_For some reasons, promises are meant to be broken."_

_I can't believe him. He's dodging it all. "Is this about Aoi? Your Mom? I can help you, please. Just stay."_

"_My family had nothing to do with this. This is solely about me." After saying that he shot me a glare and he looked very irritated, having his teeth gritted. "Stop it, Mikan. Your coming here won't change a thing."_

_My knees begin to feel weak. I can't hold the bursting emotions inside of me. Our happy memories together flooded in my system and just now, I already missed them so much. I know that if that this day ends and I still haven't convinced him back, I would miss my only chance. I won't get a chance to experience those memories gain, that happiness I felt whenever I am with him._

"_Why are you doing this to me? You love me first, didn't you? You courted me, you did everything just so I will love you back. I just fell into you and now, you're the one ending things up. Do you know how hurtful that was? It's like you just played with me. If I only know we'll end up like this, then I wish I never fell for you." Recognizing what I have said, I covered my mouth with my hand and muttered an apology._

_For some reason, his eyes gone soft for a moment. "My feelings for you are true, Mikan. God can tell that."_

"_Then why are you pushing me away?"_

"_I don't want to hurt you later on." He smiled weakly, but it was not directed at me because he looked away before smiling. "Someday, you'll thank me for this."_

"_But you won't!" I shook my head as tears flooding my cheeks. I was sobbing, I was yelling at him. "I won't!"_

"_Just…just go home. Or I'll call security."_

I cried loudly after letting out an exasperated shriek and I tried my best to conceal my noise. I let it all out as I cried with a pillow covering my face. It was a nightmare, no. It was my past. I cried even more. I am angry at myself. I still can't forget him, I mean, what he did to me. Whatever I do, no matter how much time passed by, his traces in my heart and in my mind couldn't be erased that easily.

He was the very first person that I loved that much. I don't know if I love him still, but if not then why would his memories still haunt me? Stupid me. Idiot me. It's been a year and I haven't moved on completely!

I am so shameful. I am so weak. I don't deserve my friends' trust. I've been lying to them by saying that I have fully moved on. Even though my smiles are back, some are still fake. I'm bringing Hotaru down again, I don't want that. I don't want to see her so disappointed to me again. As a part of making up to her, I am determined to forget everything about Natsume. But the problem is, I don't know how.

Suddenly, someone's knocking on my door.

"Hey, is there a problem?" I was sure it was Ryou's voice. I knew his voice very well with a reason I don't know.

I didn't respond. I pushed the pillow harder to my face to hide the crying and to pretend I'm asleep. But what I heard was the door creaking open. Did I leave it unlocked?

"Mikan, what are you doing?"

I did not move. Normally, a girl would throw everything she could get a hold of just to shoo away a **guy** in his room in the middle of the night. But I actually don't mind. I have two reasons. One is because I confirmed I left my door unlocked for that I consider it my fault and second, it was Ryou. I know he won't do anything bad…even if he's a jerk.

He sighed. "Come on. I heard you crying."

"What?" I forced myself up, leaving the wet pillow and facing him with imperfections all over. "How?" I was really shocked. Ryou's room was a building away and he heard me cry?

He walked towards my bed and sat beside me, looking disappointed to see me in this state. I know. I just let him see the ugliest face he could ever witness. "Accidentally, I am passing by to this corridor's floor and I heard someone scream behind this door that happened to be yours. Then I tried to eavesdrop and I have verified that you're crying."

"Oh." Is what I said.

"Having nightmares?"

I nodded.

He scoffed. "You're too old for nightmares."

I glared at him. "Look, it's okay now. I'm awake now. You can leave." I pulled my blanket and covered my body with it as I lay with my back facing him. "Please lock the door when you leave." But I didn't sense him doing anything and if I am right, he's just watching me. So I sat and looked at him with an annoyed expression. "Ryou, you can go now. If someone catches you here we'll both be dead meat."

"Why? We're not doing anything." Then he gave me a sly smile. "Or maybe…" He started getting near at me and as he got close and closer, I began to panic that I pushed him hard away.

"Pervert!" I shouted while having my eyes shut.

And then he fell from the bed…his head first thing that hit the floor. Guilty, I rushed to him and helped him up.

"Sorry, Ryou! I didn't mean to."

Moaning, he said "Yeah, yeah. Sorry too. I was just joking and you took it seriously. Honestly, you think I would really …. With you?"

Turning away, I replied. "Oh, of course not. I know you like Hotaru, not me. So you'll do that with her rather than me." With that, I didn't saw his facial response.

"I don't like that freak." He countered.

I waved my hand. "Whatever, whatever. Even if I know you do, you won't confess. Guys and their pride."

"Stupid." He stood up and I felt it because the bed went lighter. I then heard his footsteps as he trail his way to the door. "I would like to talk to you tomorrow you dumbass."

I arched my neck. "Huh? Talk about what?"

"About your nightmare." He reached for the knob.

I laid my head back to the pillow. "Oh, don't worry it's nothing."

"Yeah. I know you won't cry and scream like you are in danger if it's nothing. Whatever it is, Mikan. You will tell me. It's an order."

I laughed sarcastically. "Yeah yeah. It's an order mister President whatever. Good night. Please don't forget to lock the door." Then I heard him scoff and finally he was gone. I slowly got up and sat above my bed, pinning my eyes to my pajamas.

That Ryou, he's so complicated.


End file.
